Under the Black Hood
by IamBatgirl
Summary: Batman makes a decision that changes the his life and directs him into a new path. His decision- kill the Joker, when Jason asks him to. Now can he pull himself up out of the hole he's dug for himself, or will he forever be lost to the darkness? And will he be able to drag Jason and his brother back too. A new rewrite on the movie Under the Red Hood. Rated T because I'm paranoid:)
1. Chapter 1: Choose Now

**So hello people! I was thinking the other day, while watching Batman: Under the Red Hood and well I had to wonder; what would have happened if Batman actually did kill Joker. I mean let's face it Joker has caused nothing but chaos and has given Bruce and his family hell. **

**Bruce always talks of having a secret identity so he can keep people close to him safe, but seriously when they put on a mask they get hurt anyway, from Jason, to Barbara, to Tim, where does it end? **

**And then I thought what if what happened to Jason happened to him too? I mean that would surely initiate some Father-Son bonding right? I think so...**

**So I put this little shin-dig together and pulled a few strings from my handy brain to make this possible, hope you guys like it and please review. Oh I have also added an OC in here; his name is Thomas Elliot and was Batman's twin brother from another universe. **

**I know what you guys are thinking, no stupid he can't be an OC when he's already been created by someone else stupid girl. Do not fear though my compadres I haven't lost my mind... completely...**

**Anyway I added an OOC to this character and added him to this universe to spice it up a bit. **

**Warning: Someone does die a very important character and doesn't come back, also as much as it pains me to say this, I unfortunately do not have the pleasure of saying I actually own these characters :( sad I know. If I did the universe would be pretty crazy and exciting, and stupid things wouldn't happen like it did in infinite crisis (sorry they abandoned you Wally). Plus I would have made more movies by now. I would have definitely made a Flash movie... **

**Oh right I'm going to shut up now and actually write the story, here you go...**

His laughter haunted me. It followed me wherever I go, constantly reminding me of the horror and filth of the city around me. It was filthy, disgustingly dirty. The dirt and filth radiated off of the city and spread like a disease. And his laughter, his eerie and ominous laughter refused to leave; refused to quite. It never stopped, never gave in, just kept haunting me and following, shoving me closer and closer to the edge.

I sat there staring at Jason, the feeling in my stomach becoming worse by the second clawing at my insides with disgust.

"Ignoring what he's done in the past, blindly, stupidly disregarding the entire graveyards he's filled. The thousands who have suffered, the friends he's crippled, you know I thought- I thought I'd be the last person you'd ever let him hurt. If it had been you he'd beat to a bloody pulp, if he had taken you from this world I would've done nothing but search the planet for this pathetic pile of evil, death worshipping garbage and sent him off to hell!" Jason spit at me wickedly, he was angry with me, and I can't say I blame him at all.

"You don't understand, I don't think you've ever understood," I muttered more to myself than anything.

"What? What your moral code just won't allow for that, that it's too hard to cross that line-" I couldn't stand to hear him keep going I had to stop this, make him understand; I had to make him come home.

"NO! God almighty no, it'd be too damned easy all I've ever wanted to do was kill him, a day doesn't go by when I don't think about subjecting him to every horrendous torture he's dealt out to others, and then end him," I muttered darkly, I knew that I couldn't cross that line, if I did I wouldn't come back, I mean look at Jason, he's gone too far gone, unless I can make him understand, unless I can make him see. I feel like I'm trying to explain things to a child, a poor lost child, like I was, with no guide, no light in the darkness, no comfort. But I want to be Jason's comfort I want to be his parent.

"Aw-we so you do think about me," I ignored the mad clown focusing on the situation, trying to block out his annoying rabbling, his games and nonsense.

"But if I do that if I allow myself to go down into that place, I'll never come back," I'd never said that out loud before, it seemed to put everything off in my mind. Here I was trying to pull Jason out of the darkness while admitting I'd never be strong enough to come back myself. How was he supposed to do it when I- his mentor couldn't even do it. Maybe it was hopeless…

"Why," His voice stung in my heart, the way in seemed to seep right through to my soul, "I'm not talking about killing Penguin, or Scarecrow, or Dent, I'm talking about him," I don't think I can bare this any longer, but I have to make him see, I have to convince him that it's not right it can't be… it can't "just him and doing because, because he took me away from you."

I wish he knew that I would do it, if I wasn't completely ruled by logic, if I had some shred of emotion, or a heart left I wouldn't hesitate, but I had no aspect or any shred of emotion left. I lost it all a long time ago… "I can't," I choked, not allowing him to see it, to see my hesitation, "I'm sorry." My words were lost at the sight of his angry face, so angry and terrified that I might not love him. But I do love him, even after everything he's done I still love my son.

"That is so sweet," Joker smiled, looking from me to Jason.

I hated him. I hated that insufferable clown with all that's left of my heart. I hate him truly and surely. I wanted nothing more than to throw him out the window and never let anything save him. I hated him with a passion that I have only ever felt for cleaning up Gotham, for a taste of vengeance at the city that drove my parents to their graves. And I want that clown dead. I want him gone.

"Well you won't have a choice," the gun landed in my hands easily. The cold evil radiating off of it seemed too seeped right through the thick material of my gauntlets, calling me out. It seemed to beg me to do it. I would probably save millions of lives, avoid countless numbers of death and despair. Maybe I can go back, maybe the abyss won't be so dark, and maybe I'll have someone to pull me back out.

"I won't-"

"This is what it's all been about, this, you, me, and him now is the time you decide," He smashed the chair restraining the clown pulling him into a hostage hold, "If you won't kill this psychotic piece of filth I will, if you want to stop me you're going to have to kill me." His words stung worse than before causing me to mentally flinch.

"You know I won't," I choked once more.

"I'm going to blow his deranged brains out and if you want to stop it you're going to have to shoot me, right in my face!" He shrieked. It rang in my ears, sending a shiver down my spine. I was Batman, I should be able to handle this situation, but I couldn't stop the urge that whelmed up in my throat to scream and take the filthy clown out; to finally be rid of the psychotic laughter and noise, to finally get rid of the dirt.

"This is turning out better than I'd hoped," Joker's laughed eagerly causing a wave of hate to slip down my spine.

Jason stared into me for a long time just staring at me. I knew that I wanted to do anything to protect him, but at what cost. Did he realize what he was asking me to do? I looked at the sleek gun remembering the time I almost used it.

:

_I sat ready for my revenge ready to make my parents proud. Chill rounded the corner of the alley his head held high and alive. My grip tightened around the gun, I was about to step out of the shadows and strike him down when a child shot out behind him, running up to his father happily and wrapping his tiny fingers around his father's strong hands._

_It would have been so easy to jump out and pull the trigger. It would have been so sweet to get my revenge. But I would cause the same pain and horror that was forced upon me on this innocent child. _

_I could not force the same thing down another's throat. I could not ruin a child's life for the sake of revenge. It would not be… logical. The cycle that began with a pull of a trigger would end with me. I would not repeat the mistake of my foe, I could never do it. That kind of action would be- illogical._

:

The sick smile of the man in Jason's arms made me stomach churn with distaste and a wild since of the moment. I do not see the logic in letting this thing live it would be illogical. I could not think of a good logic based excuse to keep this thing alive. It would only be logical to kill it.

Jason's eyes filled with an emotion at my hesitation, whether because I was thinking it through or fueling my anger, I wasn't sure.

The Joker's eyes filled with fear

Same the fear that had filled his victims eyes for years

The fear of the unknown

Fear of what would happen next

The fear of…

Death

Or maybe all these years the Joker wanted me to do this. The Joker became a monster all those years ago in that chemical factory. Maybe it was only logical to think that the Joker wanted this. How many times had he begged me to end him?

I don't know when I raised the gun, but it was aimed at the Joker, right for his heart. I wonder if maybe this was in a way the Joker's form of redemption. After all these years all he wanted was to die, but didn't have the heart to do it himself. Or just wanted to as he put it 'go out with a bang,' I wonder if this was what he was looking for.

I guess I'll never know, but I can live with that.

I looked into those acid green eyes as they looked directly into my eyes. I took off my mask quickly. If I was going to do this, I was going to do it right. The horrid smile on that deranged face finally for the first time faded as he whispered, "Do it."

I pointed the gun right at him looking at him in the eyes as I pulled the trigger.


	2. Chapter 2: Understand

_**Three years later…**_

I never spoke of that night. Never. I just couldn't, but Jason and I are okay now. I sent him to live with my brother somewhere in Russia, where they could both be deadly assassins together, not my best idea, but hey what was I supposed to do?

No one knows what happened, not Gordon, not Alfred, not Barbara, not Dick, not even my new apprentice Tim, not Clark, not any of the Justice Leaguers, because they wouldn't have understood.

It's not like I could tell Alfred though. He passed away two years after my incident with the Jok-him. It was rough. It was really hard, but I'm moving on…slowly. Very slowly, and Jason helps me forget the pain. He helps me remember who I am.

And not a day goes by that I'm not reminded of what I did. But yet I don't feel that same suffocating weight. All that pressure, and grief is gone, and I can't honestly say that I regret what I did.

I and my brother are now on talking terms thanks to Jason, though I still hate the methods they're using. I Skype with them constantly, seeing a side of the world I haven't seen in a long time. And to my surprise…I'm actually happy. Yet I know that something's missing. I don't know what it is yet, but when I do, I just hope it's not that darkness, that I know is lying deep inside me. And I hope that no one sees that side of me again.

Though I must admit, when I crossed that line, I'd never felt better.

I liked that side.

And that frightens me, more than anything, more than bats, and the dark. It's seems worse than the world ending, and maybe it is the world ending. My world of sanity, maybe I'm ending.

I must keep vigilant for that side. I have to keep myself in check. I can't cross that line again. Never, never again.

I look up as my name is called from the other side of the table. Wally smiles at me happily, with a loose crooked smile, "hey Bats, want to go get something to eat later with me and GL."

Yes, "No I have work," I don't belong in their happy family. I don't deserve it, their kindness, not after what I did. I'm not a good person. I'm happy at a distance.

"Oh come on Batman, we all have work later, it'd just be a little bit," GL entered. It was the first time he'd ever actually encouraged Wally's attempts to get me out.

Fine, whatever, "no," I whispered, no emotion, because Batman has no emotions. I have no emotions. I can't be trusted, not anymore. I can't be trusted to have emotions.

"Come on Bruce go hang out with them it's not the end of the world, plus you know Wally won't quit until you agree," thank you Mr. Kent for siding with them.

But they don't understand why I have to keep them away. I'm no good. "Thanks, but no thanks," I replied blankly. I couldn't tell them.

Why can't they see something's wrong? Why can't they yell, and call me _good for nothing_, why can't they understand? Because _maybe_, just _maybe_, if they understood, then I wouldn't be so lonely, _maybe_ I wouldn't have to run away. _Maybe_ they might understand, _maybe_ they might just forgive me, for being…well me.

"I think it's a good idea," Diana smiled sitting to my left, trapped…damn.

"Yeah well I didn't ask," I muttered standing up, "so if the meeting is over I have to be going," no emotion, yet completely avoided.

"Just go," Shay said. I flinched inwardly, while on the outside I remained completely unaffected. It wasn't a secret that me and Shay were like brother and sister, but I wasn't her brother. And she wasn't my sister. My brother was a psychopath. A killer.

"I don't think so," I murmured opening the door. They didn't understand.

"Why can't you just let us be your friends," Wally whispered, voice cracking with emotion.

Because you don't understand Walls, "I don't have time for friends."

"_Maybe_ if you helped us understand," Clark whispered sadly.

You can't Clark. You can't understand. I know that. I've accepted it. I don't like it. But I understand. And-every year, every month, very week, every day, every hour, every minute, every second that goes by- I will hope, and pray, and dream, and wish that _maybe_ one day you will understand.

And even if it takes years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, or _maybe _even seconds, I'll just hope you remember us this way, before you know what I am.

Before you find out that I am a monster.

I hope you all remember the good times.

I hope you remember last year, when I tripped on Wally's banana peel like out of a cheesy movie, and wound up chasing him with an explosive batarang for hours, before we both slipped on ones from Jon'zz.

I hope you remember a six months ago when I smiled for the first time at you guys, because I couldn't help it when Wally and John got in an ice cream fight in the cafeteria, but wound up hitting Shay and getting the crap beaten out of them.

I hope they remember a couple of weeks ago when Diana and Clark fell asleep on monitor duty at the same time. And the next day Clark was found in his boxers on top of the daily planet, for an unknown reason. And Diana suddenly wound up in an eat-off with the Flash, resulting in her being unable to look at food properly for days.

I hope they remember a couple of days ago, when Jon'zz, Shay, and I had an epic checkers off, resulting in my victory.

I hope they remember four hours ago, when I refused to aid Wally in the capture of Jon'zz Oreos, which still wound up in his possession hours later.

I hope they remember a few minutes ago when they were all laughing about something Shay had said.

I hope they remember a few seconds ago when they asked, for the first time, to understand me.

I hope they don't remember how much of an awful person I am.

I was about to exit the room when my watch began to beep, causing me to freeze in my place. I looked down at it wondering what was going on. The watch currently residing on my wrist, was one I had specifically made to keep in touch with Jason, it was only supposed to be beeping like this when he was in serious life threatening danger, was he in danger?

Suddenly another beeping filled the air, my private cell phone, reserved for my brother and Jason only. I didn't hesitate, didn't think, I just answered it. "Speak," I said fast.

"Can't you ever answer the phone like a normal person," I heard my own voice answer. I let out a sigh of relief, Thomas was okay.

"What's wrong," I growled, not showing any emotions to my fellow teammates.

"Awe you almost sounded worried Bruce, be careful," He laughed like the idiot he was. Why couldn't he just get on with it?

"Shut up," I avoided saying his name. They couldn't know.

"Wait so you don't want me to tell you that your son is being grabbed by Ra's and his goonies?" I hate him.

"You could have started with that," I said voice betraying nothing, "so is he hurt or anything?"

"Who, oh right Jace is fine, I guess, unless you called getting stabbed, shot, beaten okay," I really want to know what he's smoking, or taking, "wait, oh yeah that's his blood alright. Okay you can add bleeding to death to your list." Why? Why, must he be so incompetent?

"I'll be there in a minute," I really don't like him right now.

"Whoa your coming, wow, wait I haven't had any time to prepare! The whole house is dirty, and now there's blood everywhere. And don't even get me started on the dead body in the living room and then there are the ones in the kitchen," I don't want to know.

"Shut up and follow them," Why?

"What don't want to say my name or something, I feel like you're avoiding it," Why does he seem so happy about that?

"Goodbye, Thomas," I whispered, hanging up on him.

"Bruce what's going on," Shay said looking at me with worried eyes.

They wouldn't understand, "nothing, I'll see you later."

So I left them again. And I'll keep wishing. Because I know that before they can understand, I have to. But I don't know how to understand. I don't understand.

And if I can't, then how can they?

Because they're not the world's greatest detective, I am.

None of us understand.


End file.
